“And it has been
of a year.
I have worn
under my sleeves,
on my thighs,
running down my cheeks.
This is what
looks like, my dear.”—Michelle K., It Has Been One Hell of a Year. (via holo-message)
My 3rd grade teacher once told me to read the books that are the the most damaged on the outside because you can tell by the damage its been read by a lot of people, and there’s usually a great story on the inside. This advice hasn’t failed me yet.
do you ever get in one of those moods where you’re like feeling okay but you’re really sad at the same time and you just want to talk to someone and make them hug you but you feel annoying so you kind of just sit there being really sad
I want a social life please , you know something to get excited about. People who want to go out and do things.
I thought getting a job would help me , I do see more people daily but only for the two hours I’m at work. Which is basically the polite conversation that people have to have cause…
I understand this. All of my friends are older than me and they all watched me growing up and into my illness.
There were so many people who walked away from me or I had to walk away from because they found it too difficult and even now there are people who I would love to be better friends with who just don’t quite understand.
But there are some people, very few, who will go out of their way to accommodate me, and I them. Most of our catch ups happen at their place (it would be mine but they are allergic to cats), they are understand when I cancel on short notice, or come and end up having a nap in their bed, they often cook for us all and it’s always short catch ups.
I guess what I’m trying to say is hang in there. The people who are my closest friends are the ones who may not understand it all, but they have seen enough to know I’m not kidding about the severity or how random it is. The people who I love and would like to see more of, but who don’t totally get it, I make sure they know I love them, but I don’t see them often. But I’m really clear about it.
Often I don’t even apologise, I just say, ‘I’m a shit friend but I love you dearly’ and they deal pretty well.
It’s hard to make friends, it’s hard to let people in, it’s hard to keep cancelling on people and have them hanging around. When I’m starting a friendship with someone, I’ll often push myself too far and go out with them when I sometimes shouldn’t, it’s stupid, but it shows them that they are important to me, and on some level it helps them to understand that I’m not kidding.
Chin up my beautiful girl. You will get there, just keep moving forward.
let’s spend our week nights eating cereal on the floor
when there is a perfectly fine table behind us.
we can go to the movies and sit in the back row
just to make out like kids falling in love for the first time.
we’ll paint the rooms of our house
and get more paint on us than the walls.
we can hold hands and go to parties we end up
ditching to drink wine out of the bottle in the bathtub.
and slow dance with me in our bedroom
with an unmade bed and candles on the nightstand.
let me love you forever.
Did you ever realize how much your body loves you? I mean its always trying to keep you alive. That’s all your body has to live for. Your body is making sure you breathe while you sleep, stopping cuts from bleeding, fixing broken bones, finding ways to beat the illnesses that might get you. Your body literally loves you so much. It’s time you start loving your body back.
NO!!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! Meds were supposed to give me hours and hours of lovely floaty sleep from which I awoke pain free and rested. Not a bloody hour and a half from which I awoke feeling like me!!!!! THIS IS NOY THE WAY WE PLANNED IT BODY!!!!!