I believe in love, honesty, equality, awareness and laughter. This is where I try to work out how to have all of that in my life, how to share those things with others and hopefully where I get stronger, faster, better and more authentic than I have ever been before.Spoon Theory Motivation Personal Notes To Self Ask me anything
Deciding at 10pm that I want a cheese and vegemite toasted sandwich and there not being a single reason why I can’t have it.
Doesn’t matter than only a quarter of my kitchen is unpacked, doesn’t matter it’s 10pm and that’s a bit late to be moving a bunch of heavy objects around to get to what I need, and I *won’t* be disturbing anyone or waking anyone up.
I arrived on Monday to fun that Mum hadn’t packed up properly and it was so bad I called a bunch of mates to help me move things last night, today was the same but just myself and a mate.
Right now I have the house all but free of her things and the kitchen has been scrubbed. I’m slowly unpacking my kitchen and discovering what I do and don’t have (tin openers, useful things).
Darcy didn’t take the move well. He wet himself, made the most unholy noises and then chucked a spectacular toddler tantrum. He was thrashing around all four feet in the air, scrabbling at the carrier, biting the door to try and open it. Poor guy. He is in the bathroom for the next few days and is very unsure about the whole thing. I’ve tried to put some things he knows around him so he can be comfortable. He hasn’t eaten and is not happy about the entire situation.
Currently I’m hanging out in the bathroom with him to try and let him know I’m around. I’m hanging out for bed and only have a few tasks left for the day. Yesterday was the first time I slept since the increase in dose of one of my meds and it was amazing. Pain and exhaustion are through the roof, as expected though.
I’m so exhausted that my feet are actually really sore.
I’ve made a list of everything that has to be moved in every room and the only place I really still have to pack is a couple of boxes in my bedroom and the housemates stuff off my bookshelves
I have massive amounts of cleaning but a, I’m going to have to do it again in the old house once I’ve actually moved this weekend and b, the new house has me cleaning around my mother and I’d really rather just wait until she is gone tonight to start it.
So basically I think I’ve talked myself into a lay down seeing as sleep is so far beyond me right now. Ugh, sooooooo much to do, but I just can’t get motivated right now.
Work for 14 hours straight on the move, wreck my back and it STILL decides I only need two hours sleep.
I know this is only temporary, I know if will pass, I know I chose those as the lessor of two evils BUT ITS BEEN FIFTEEN FUCKING DAYS NOW!!!!!
Watching out the window as Mum’s cat very carefully makes her way across the back to where Hope is buried, she sat right in front of Hope. I teared up a little at the thought of her saying Hello to Hope, but no, she was just looking for the best place to take a dump on where my cat is buried. It’s kinda sad but also kinda funny.
I’m not moving my furniture until next weekend and next weekend is PMS week and if I’m like this now I can’t imagine how bad I’m going to be next week!!!!!
I don’t like to think I have accepted the illness. I don’t like that word. I have not accepted anything about this shit I have only adapted to my limitations because I have had no choice.
Yes yes yes, a million times yes!!!