Quick update on the Surgery…

So, the last one was *amazing* I came out of the surgery and my pain had plummeted from a 7 to a 2 in half an hour. Which meant I was expecting the same thing again, as this surgery was really just a longer and more permanent version of this. How very wrong I was!!!

I went in it was all good, and I came out, weepy as usual but sadly my pain was through the fucking roof!!! I’m talking, from one to ten, I was a bloody eleven!!!!! I was bracing myself with my feet and my hands because I couldn’t put weight on my back or pelvis. Sadly I couldn’t get any painkillers until after the surgeons next surgery, so I was laying like that for an hour. 

When the Dr came back he was super surprised but he gave me 200mcg of fentanyl and 20mg of morphine… which didn’t touch ANYTHING. I managed to take myself out of bed and went to the bathroom and BOOM… I worked out that it was ALL the muscles in my lower back in total spasm. It was the worst one I have had in *years*. So I refused to leave before I could see the Dr again. The Anaesthesiologist came past and was a total ass, he said that I had been given ‘a lot of medication’ and I didn’t need any more, so I said that I wanted to talk to my Dr. I made my Dr poke my back and actually look at me and he was rather surprised at how bad it was. 

I asked him for some ketamine which he knows I despise and will only have if I have *no* other choice, he said I could have that but they couldn’t discharge me, I’d have to stay the night, and honestly, that was a $7,000 surgery and I don’t have private health insurance for hospital, so I couldn’t really justify spending another couple of grand for the ketamine. I chose to go home and if I need to I can go to the ER and get it without having to pay through the noise. 

So, I’m home now, I’m completely smashed on pain meds and anti inflammatories and heat packs (and yes chocolate) and I am going to see how I go and if need be I’ll go to the ER. The Dr said I should feel more pain and worse pain for the next few days and then it should settle down and then hopefully… I should have little to no pain in my lower back… 

So, this is the big news.. it *totally* didn’t go how we expected or rather, how *I* expected, so, I’ll keep you tabbed on how I go.

Also, I’m so hanging out for interwebs and I’ll tell you all the saga about that as soon as I get it..

Love love you all!!!  



I always prided myself on being a Strong Independent Woman. Then God said, “BAM! Here, have some illnesses!”


Tonight is hopefully the last night I go to bed with this particular pain in my lower back.

Tomorrow morning is my second surgery and I’m hoping it will all go well…

Wish me luck!!!

“Sometimes I just feel like I want to tell everyone all about it. I want it validated. I want it normalised. I couldn’t tell anyone then. I want to tell everyone now.” Posted by Anonymous (via survivorssharingsecrets)

(via imakesensejournal)


I simply adore this, I hope that it’s how other people see me, because it is how I see myself..

(Source: anightmarefantasmic, via tatianaandj)



my ultimate goal is to be at peace with myself, eliminate toxic feelings and elements and energies from my life, unlearn negative and harmful practices and thought patterns, stop checking for people that don’t check for me, create a space for myself that is nurturing for growth so that i may generate loving energy for myself and for others, nourish my spirit and balance my energies, i have big dreams and i deserve to live a life i love and let that love radiate

(Source: llleighsmith, via apathetically-poetic)


The amount of pain and discomfort that is in my lower back and ass right now is really rather epic…

I have to keep telling myself that my surgery is only three days away…


so i made a comic about my entire life in a nutshell
check out more of my comics here!


so i made a comic about my entire life in a nutshell

check out more of my comics here!

(via teatimefor2)


Ugh, getting out of bed was a disaster today.

It took an hour I kid you not, and I only lasted about five minutes until I had to go back to bed.

I have a giant to do list for today and I just can’t stop thinking about it and cringing!!! This whole moving/repairing thing is terrible on my body, I never want to do it again!!!!


"I don’t look sick" by Donnee Spencer


"I don’t look sick" by Donnee Spencer

(Source:, via agrrlandhercat)

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